Shoes Off!
by kytyngurl2
Summary: Roy x Ed, and highly cracky and wrong. Ed finds himself attracted to a very unique part of Roy. Hilarity ensues. Kinky concept, fluffy and funny execution. Yaoi. Slightly AU.


**Shoes Off!**

Ed groaned and paused yet again to wipe the sweat from his brow. Despite it being both late fall and three in the morning, it was still sweltering outside. He hated these annoyingly muggy nights, and really could think of nothing he'd like more then to head back to the apartment he shared with his little brother Alphonse and _sleep_. At least then it would be harder to notice the damn temperature.

But no, his habit of putting off paperwork until the last minute had really came back to bite him in the ass. Now he was up late, only a little more than half-way through his work, and he had only himself to blame.

Finally arriving at his destination-- General Mustang's door-- Ed sighed. Back when he was sixteen, these sort of things did not seem so bad... or at least they were easier to fob off on Al. Those were the days.

Sometimes he suspected that Mustang had increased the amount of forms at some point in the last four years. It would figure, the man hated paperwork as much as Edward did, and was more than willing to pass the joy on.

At least Mustang must have a ton of it too. Why else would he be at the office on such a horrible night, and not at his home _where Edward checked first_? Served him right. The blond grinned at the thought, rapped once, and pushed the door open.

...And immediately found himself facing what easily was the sexiest thing he had seen in his entire life. The older man was asleep, stretched out on his couch like some sort of over-grown cat. Mustang was also quite dressed down, a testament to the oppressively hot temperature within headquarters. In fact, he was wearing only his undershirt-- which was riding up just a little bit-- and boxers.

He was _not_ wearing boots nor his socks. And _that_ was what caused Ed to slink closer to the sleeping man, despite the difficulty he had walking with such a hard-on.

Few knew it, but there was nothing in the world Edward Elric found more erotic than an attractive set of bare feet. And Mustang's very much fit that bill. Ed leaned over and stared at the smooth skin, the manicured nails, the delicate heel, and the perfect arch. He was red-faced now, and his breaths gasping.

He had to get even closer, he had to _touch_ those alluring soles. Ignoring the small voice in his head that was screaming "It's MUSTANG!", Ed threw caution to the wind and reached out with one trembling hand. The dark-haired man's right foot was resting on the arm of the couch and so very close, just a little bit more and--

"Fullmetal, what are you doing here?"

Shit.

The bearer of the perfect feet looked around blearily, hair mussed and expression dazed. Horrified, Ed jumped back from the couch a pretty fair distance. How much had the older man noticed! He watched warily as Mustang sat up properly, and then had to hide a dismayed gasp as the objects of his desire were moved out of his direct line of sight.

"Er..." Ed waved his hands about as he tried to gather his thoughts. It was a bad habit of his, but one that fortunately drew the Flame alchemist's sleepy gaze to his hands and away from his far too tight pants. It'd be rather hard to explain to Mustang why they were suddenly like that, after all. He had to get away-- he could 'handle' that little problem on his own.

"Oh yeah! I had a question about Forms 8H4-6 and 9UE-12, but I think I just got those figured out! So ah, I should get going now!" Never in his life-- well, except for that time that old harridan at the corner store noticed he accidentally knocked over her carefully done display-- had the Fullmetal alchemist backpedaled towards an exit quicker. He had to get out now, before the other man woke up completely.

The other alchemist blinked at him. "Wait, what was--"

"Look at the time! Hey, you should get home too General... Can't be good for those old bones to be resting on that sort of surface. Why, what if your feet got swoll-- I mean, I'll explain to the Lieutenant that you were here late, if you want." Ed reached the door and opened it, resisting the urge to laugh at the way he was being boggled at now. It was hardly like he grew another eye or something, geez!

Mustang opened his mouth again. "Thank you, but..."

But Edward was already gone.

The logical thing to do at that point would be to forget about the entire incident, gorgeous feet or no, and move on with his life. Sure, Mustang was always an attractive person... and now that Edward thought about it, he supposed the man wasn't _all_ bad... But having him as an object of fantasy! That was just weird.

But oh, those feet!

Edward both wanted forget all about it, and absolutely did NOT want to. His subconscious handled the problem for him in a rather direct way. One that involved pretty vivid dreams of where Ed wanted Roy to put his toes. These dreams always resulted in Ed later sneaking down to the laundry room. He did _not_ want to explain those stains to Alphonse, after all. Sure, they were close... and there was no one in the world Ed trusted more. But explaining to Al that he had a foot fetish and that it was Mustang of all people he was desiring? No way.

In the end, Ed shrugged and decided to just go along with it. If he couldn't stop the dreams, there was no point in pretending he didn't want to fuck Mustang senseless. That made no sense. Plus there was that not quite so small matter of really really wanting to lick that perfect little instep. Hell, if Mustang liked it perhaps he could be convinced to return the favor...! That would be good.

Thus, just over a full week since that bizarre night-time encounter, Ed found himself yet again knocking on the man's door. He had found some rather nice... and expensive... sandals downtown, and he even got them wrapped up pretty nicely. He was sure they would look great on the man. Edward coudn't wait to see.

Plus, wasn't that what most people did? Give presents to those they found attractive, that is. Hearing an affirmative from inside, Ed smiled and let himself in. He'd win over those feet if it was the last thing he did! He was the Fullmetal alchemist and failure just was not his style.

The indirect method, Ed decided several days later, was absolute crap... and took too damn long. It didn't help that he had virtually no experience attempting to seduce someone-- and how was he to know that a discussion on proper use of lotion, nail files, and rough stones was not considered sexy by most people!

Ah wait, never mind that.

He probably _should_ just approach the other alchemist and explain "I find your feet sexy. Let's fuck." It would be a lot quicker, not as stressful, and would save on the detergent bills.

The blond sighed, scanning the pristine park he was now relaxing in with a somewhat distracted gaze. Idly, he wondered what his chances were of convincing the dark-haired man to take a walk with him in it. The grass looked nice and soft. He'd even let the General hold his hand if that was what made him happy.

There was a cough from behind him. Recognizing it, Ed craned his head back... and was not too surprised to see the object of his musings standing right there.

The older man nodded at him, and stepped forward to take a seat next to Edward. "I thought you would be here. This is easily the best place to relax within easy walking distance of headquarters..."

Ed snorted. "By that you mean you find this the perfect place to sneak away to and take naps. Lazy!" He had to fight back a laugh as Mustang chuckled and sent him a mock-innocent 'Who, me?' look. "So what brings you here, General?"

"I thought we needed to talk."

...That did not sound good _at all_.

"What... what do you mean? If it's about that stack of papers--"

The dark-haired man smiled wanly at him and shook his head. "It's not that, though I _will_ be speaking to you about that later, Fullmetal. Make no mistake." Mustang reached out with one hand and placed it on Ed's shoulder. "Your behavior in the last week. It's been unusual... and familiar."

"Well, I--"

"I know everything."

Ah, so _that_ was what it was like to feel your heart jump into your throat in fear and shock! He had forgotten that particular sensation. "I can explain! No wait, I can't... I really don't get it myself... It's just that I saw your-- you know-- and they looked good and I couldn't forget about it and then Al almost noticed and I was just wondering if you wanted to..." Shit, he was babbling like a shy fourteen year old.

Only Mustang. It had to be a gift, he bet the man practiced.

"...So you just had your birthday, right? That would make you twenty now, if I recall correctly."

Ed blinked. What did that have to do with anything? Or feet? "Yeah, that's right. It was just a month ago, remember? I thought you were the one who bought the cake."

He got a very wide smile in return. "Excellent. That does make this a lot easier." The older alchemist then stood up, and gestured for Ed to do the same. "Let's take a walk, Full-- Edward. It's an excellent day out."

Feeling relieved-- It was obvious that his commanding officer did not notice anything major-- Ed nodded and stood up. The two walked in silence for several minutes before Mustang spoke again. "I was just speaking to a good friend of mine earlier. General Thatcher, surely you remember him?"

"Old guy, bad hair and silly mustache?"

There was another laugh. "That's him, though I strongly recommend you not mention those things to him when you are under his command. Just because I always let you get away with insubordination hardly means others will accept it. He's a good man, but all the same..."

"Of course! I'm not stup-- His command?"

"Yes, you'll be transfered to it in a few days. I just finished discussing the matter with him and processing the initial paperwork. No worries, Edward. His thoughts on power and the people are ones you will more than sympathize with, and his department is not more then thirty steps down the hall. And he's willing to put up with your... unique style of doing things. So not much will change for you. Just try to start off on the right foot."

Mustang was getting rid of him! Edward, horrified, quickly took back his earlier thoughts. Obviously, Mustang had noticed his strange attraction... and was not pleased. He couldn't be-- Not if he was throwing away his favorite pawn and pet dog-- and smiling about it!

"F-- Edward?" The General had halted midstep, and was now looking at him. He even appeared concerned. "What is the matter?" There was a too-long pause again, and Ed just _stared_ blankly at the man.

"Ah, wait. I think I understand." Ed's eyes widened as the Flame alchemist finished speaking and carefully took his hand. "Did you know that while the military severely frowns upon fraternization... they do make several small exceptions?"

"Huh?"

"For instance, they relax the rules quite a bit for State alchemists. Most chafe under strict regulations and are used to marching to their own beat-- Though most are not quite as bad as you." Mustang smiled fondly. "The Brass does not want to lose their talents, so they are more then willing to look the other way. In addition to this, most fraternization rules are based around the concept of dating DIRECT subordinates."

"You mean..."

Oh. Oh!

Finally getting it, Ed grinned back, feeling the urge to dance around or kiss Mustang's feet or something. He had just been given what was easily the best news he heard all damn week. It was about time something turned out his way... and it sure sounded like the General was offering to go along with this weird crush of his.

"Well, I should get back to the office before the Lieutenant notices. Wouldn't do to upset her-- I'll be needing her assistance as I get this ball rolling." Mustang smiled and stepped away. "I'll be seeing you later, Fullmetal... perhaps at dinner tomorrow evening?" The second part was added in a much lower voice.

"Sounds good!"

Walking back to his apartment, Ed smiled. When Mustang was not being an irritating bastard, he actually was kind of nice to talk to... He could get to like him. He _really_ could get to like him. Plus he did have some damn fine feet.

But first thing first. He had to find out where the closest lake-side beach was. Seemed like the perfect place for a date to him. Sand... sun...

And no shoes.


End file.
